Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you.
Mae West
Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times.
Author Unknown
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
Mae West
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.Will Rogers
'Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.
Mae West
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Groucho Marx
Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
George Bernard Shaw
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Charles Lamb
I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.
Mae West
I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.
Oscar Wilde
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.
Mark Twain
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Oscar Wilde
I never drink water, fish fuck in it.
W.C. Fields
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
BrentDavid
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
David Brent
I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.Groucho Marx
Men are all alike - except the one you've met who's different.
Mae WestInterestingly
According to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
It's better to be looked over than overlooked.Mae West
It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't.Arthur Gore
It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it.
Mae West
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
David Brent
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
Rita Rudner
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen
Stop thinking, and end your problems.Lao Tzu
When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.Oscar Wilde